Ashenstar of ShadowClan

Most don't get close enough to know me, in part because I block them out and in part because they don't want to know the truth.


In truth, he is a mystery to many. Most cats do not have a true grasp of who he is, but don't let that stop you from trying. He has walls around his heart, ever since she passed on to the realm of the stars. But that is a later story, for we must begin much earlier, in the early moons. When there was once a fairly optimistic and kind cat. But are you prepared to know the truth?


Strength is not measured by the muscle on your bones. It is measured by the passion in your heart.


In the early moons he did believe. He believed in love, in happiness. He believed in the dark world around him, thought that maybe (just maybe) the world wasn't really that dark. Now sure, every cat has a tragic story, something that molds them into the cat they are today. And maybe out there, somewhere, someone can relate to his story. But Ashenstar wouldn't believe it. Not unless he had seen it with his own eyes.


As he grew to become an apprentice, he saw the world as it was... cold and unforgiving. Yet he tried to hold on; tried to give it the benefit of the doubt. The way his mother would have wanted him to. Yet it seemed that with every passing moon it grew colder... harsher... less like the world he had thought he had known. It was in those moons that he slowly pulled away from the bodies around him, hiding his true self inside. He learned that power was the only thing that counted in this world. It could make the bravest fear and the strongest bow.


But in this darkness that he had learned to accept, he could see the light. He could watch it, just out of reach. At least, until that day... the one he still dreams about from time to time... the one that can melt his frozen heart. She was his light, saved him, pulled him away from the darkness more times than one. And had been his saving grace. No one knew how much she had saved him. What had seemed impossible, out of reach, was in his grasp. Now all he had to do was hold on for the ride.


But the perfect moments passed, and slowly he felt the darkness pulling, sneaking up behind him. But determination was a strength in this cat (and still is to this day). He had to hold on, didn't he? He needed this light, the bright sun that light up his night. He simply couldn't give it up. Little did he know that soon, he wouldn't have a choice... for she would be there for only so much longer.


The night the darkness returned, it didn't just overtake him, it drowned him, dragged him so deep that no cat dares go that far, not to save him. For only she knew how hard he had fought to keep it away... and with her gone; there was no escape. No escape from the darkness now.


Through every weakness, no matter how great, strength can endure.


determined

Some were born this way, others learned. For Ashenstar, it was a combination. He had been born with the determination, with the drive to be who he was born to be. But he had to unlock it, break it free from the cage within his own mind. And once it was free he was a new cat, a changed cat. And while his determination is strong, it has broken once to the darkness.


persuasive

The snake's tongue took a while to show itself, though once free no cat was free from his words and charm. He became quite good with his words and lost the voice in his head that most would call a conscience. Each passing day they grew stronger. Though he could never seem to break her. It was like she always knew what to say to stop him, to change his mind.

leadership

He showed signs of leadership early, back in the nursery even. While in those days he had the purist of intentions, the basics remained the same. He was capable of standing strong under pressure, fought for his values, and continued to show perseverance no matter what the cost. He was good at thinking on his feet and even better at making quick judgement calls, so when it came to being deputy, well it seemed like it would only be a matter of time.


bravery

Bravery was never a question. More times than not, it can be remembered when he charged into battle with head held high. He was never shy when doing what he believed the noble thing and often tussled with clanmates over such issues. But never did anyone question the bravery of Ashenstar.


creativity

Most cats were not aware of the creativity that blossomed deep inside of Ashenstar, for he hid it well. Though from time to time, his new and tactical ways of doing things were constantly made clear in his planning. Though only his closest and most trusted advisers could see it or hear it when he spoke. Though when it was necessary, he could make it known.


Falling down isn't a sign of weakness. Refusing to get up is.


distanced

He was a distanced cat for most of his life. Most cats did not get to meet the real him. There was really only one cat that broke that pattern, but she has long been gone. He was known as a mystery to a good portion of his clan, though never seemed to forget a name or a face. He became more distanced after her death, though most thought it was natural. If only they knew.


shallow

He was terribly at showing empathy and mercy. He had a tendency to be known as a tormentor to prisoners and ruthless toward his enemies. There were even times when his shallow nature affected her but lucky for him, she was forgiving. He didn't feel too much guilt when he did things that were wrong, even though he had more than enough baggage to carry around.


reckless

Some cats would describe his behavior as reckless and many more would call it just plain stupid. Even as time wore on and the pain slowly began to submerge, the reckless decisions remained. Sure, there were times when he knew when to back down, but many of them he did not listen to.


loyalty

He is arguably one of the most and least loyal cats of ShadowClan. No cat knows the truth of what happened that day in the leader's den. Which is why no cat can question his loyalty, or begin to understand the darkness that has built up inside of his heart.


overbearing

Most cats never saw this side of Ashenstar. Most never even knew that he cared for anyone. Only the few that saw him with her were able to see why he became that way... why he became the way he was. He cared deeply for three cats though found the emotion difficult to show. So instead he became harsher, more critical. But he never let them out of his sight because he never wanted to let her down.

Our fate is set in stone. We live up to the expectations set by our ancestors. It is their world, not ours. So fall in line, little one; and hold on tight.

It began as an unlikely pairing, though it was unmistakable. The love that they shared. It was whispered that it was StarClan brought them together and that nothing could tear them apart. They began as enemies; she believed that she was too good for him and he believed that she was too stuck up. Yet as time passed, as apprentices became friends, and the friends became warriors, something changed. It seemed like as the hours ticked by that they could not be separated. Their love was limitless. That was how he came to be.

Pregnant? It was a miracle! He was believed to be unable to have kits. She had accepted the fact long ago and loved him regardless. And then, when it seemed too late... the news came.

' It was impossible, this Dapplefeather knew. Yet as she ran through the camp, ducking in and out of dens, she knew it was a gift. A miracle from StarClan. As she raced from the leader's den, throwing an apology over her shoulder to Wolfstar, she saw him. The gray and ginger tabby bounded toward him, catching his shoulders and knocking him backward, flat on his back. The prey in Moltedfur's mouth was dropped and laid discarded several tail lengths away. Yet before he could say anything, could even grasp what was going on, she blurted out the words. "I'm pregnant!" And suddenly, none of it mattered. A cheer of congratulations started from Wolfstar and continued around from the onlookers. But they were lost in their own world.'

It was a wonderful time for the couple, though the news brought happiness and fear. For these two were older, much older than most of the other happy parents. They were both nearing ninety moons in age. Yet Dapplefeather remained positive and assured him that everything would be okay. Moltedfur tried to remain positive for her, and often found himself dreaming of nightmares. But he would be strong.

Have faith, my kits. For one day the stars will set you on a journey that will try your every beings. But just have faith...

It was a crisp autumn day when they arrived. The screams could be heard through-out camp. She was in labor for nearly four hours and the kits did not come easily. The first two were stillborn, which left the couple with little hope. They were named Stormkit and Applekit. But the third brought a healthy little boy whom they named Ashenkit. The fourth was a smaller, weaker she-kit, whom they named Poppykit. The fifth and final kit was a slightly larger tom, and was named Gorsekit. Yet the news was not long rejoiced.

' Moltedfur bent his head, following the directions of the medicine cat. He listened carefully, his ears twitching to signal that he was doing just that. But the happiness that flooded through his veins did not last long. Beside him, his mate lay breathing heavily. At first it seemed normal as she had just given birth, but as minutes passed by alarm could be seem in the medicine cat's eyes. "It is alright, Dapplefeather, your kits are healthy." But the she-cat's breathing was still labored. She lifted her head and opened her mouth, as if about to speak. But seconds later it fell hard against the floor of the nursery. The kits were left with a queen who had produced a small liter and allowed to drink while Moltedfur carried Dapplefeather as gently as he could to the medicine cat's den with Silverleaf stood waiting. "Lay her down there." Moltedfur did as he was told and waited outside the den, pacing. It was nearly an hour before he was called inside. He walked in to see his mate asleep in the nest. After thanking Silverleaf, he lowered himself down next to the nest and buried his nose into her fur. "Don't you dare leave me, Dapplefeather." And then he let the tears fall. '

She was returned to the nursery three days later to see her kits. The little bundles snuggled into her fur and she slept. Moltedfur was finally forced to return to his warriors duties after spending the last three days with Dapplefeather. She was weak, and never truly recovered. As the kits grew older, Dapplefeather watched through half-open lids. Ashenkit and Poppykit preferred to lay with their mother and talk. They loved to listen to stories, and sometimes could even convince the queen to take them to see the elders. But deep down even they knew that something was wrong with their mother. Gorsekit stayed away, preferred to play with other kits.

Strength is not measured by the muscle on your bones. It is measured by the passion in your heart.

By the time spring rolled around the kits were finally of age to be made apprentices. They were all excited, and Dapplefeather filled with pride. She laid near the nursery, watching her kits each receive their apprentice names and their mentors. But when Ashenpaw was named and his mentor, Shallowbreeze was named, Ashenpaw screamed and watched in horror as his mother's head fell and her eyes fell closed. Her path to the realm of the stars was laid out before her. The ceremony was ended quickly and the kits raced to their mother's side with Moltedfur close behind.

' His paws sounded like thunder as he raced across camp. He had sat with the warriors after his mate had insisted. Yet Ashenpaw's scream alerted him and his gaze landed on his mate where she lay, looking peaceful at last. "Dapplefeather!" His voice rang out through camp as the silence fell. With a few short words, Wolfstar finished the ceremony. The leader leaped from the stone and stood between the rest of the clan and the family. Silverleaf raced forward, but when she neared, she knew that it was all ready too late. The entire clan stood in stunned silence. But at least she got to see them become apprentices. '

Ashenpaw was devastated by his mother's death. He cried nearly every night for her alongside his sister, Poppypaw. Gorsepaw said nothing to either of them for early three moons. Ashenpaw trained hard with Shallowbreeze, wanting to make his mother proud. Though his relationship with his father was strained after her death he still cared for him deeply. Each passing day a darkness grew inside of Ashenpaw with the death of his mother. He began to distance himself and hide his emotions from his best friend, Poppypaw. Through-out their apprenticeship, Poppypaw spent several nights in and out of the medicine cat's den from sickness. She was one of the weakest and smallest cats of ShadowClan.

Gorsepaw finally spoke to Ashenpaw the night that their father joined the elders. They were nearly ten moons at the time.

' They set out of camp following Shadewhisker and Pooltear. The cats split up to set off hunting, but before the apprentices began, Gorsepaw pulled Ashenpaw close. "What was she like?" Ashenpaw looked confused until he saw the tears that stained his brother's face. And suddenly he knew. "I never got to know her. I felt it too, you know? That something was wrong. But I played it off as worries. I hoped that I was wrong. That it was just silly kit fears. Ya know?" Ashenpaw didn't speak for several moments, merely watching. "You were selfish, and an idiot. And because of it, you lost your mother without really even knowing her. And I don't feel sorry for you. Not one little bit." With that, they set off on their own separate ways, through the undergrowth. '

This may be your burden, but you do not have to bear it alone.

During his tenth moon was when Ashenpaw was made a warrior. It was Wolfstar's decision to make him a warrior after he had helped Shallowbreeze and Pooltear run a fox off their territory. Ashenpaw spent his last night comforting his sister from the fears of being alone.

' He laid beside the little calico she-cat with his tail draped across her back. "It will be all right." He murmured. "He is right, Poppypaw. I will be your friend. I will protect you from the mean cats. I promise." Ashenpaw looked up to see a solid black she-cat standing before them. Her name was Ravenpaw. '

The following day he was named Ashencloud. It was another two moons before his brother, Gorsepelt and his sister, Poppyflower, joined him in the warrior's den. Ravenpaw followed three moons later, under the name Ravenwing.

The darkness had been closing in on Ashencloud for several moons. It wasn't until he was twenty-six moons old that the light shined through. Ravenwing was a good friend, but they never seemed to see eye to eye. Especially on Poppyflower. Ashencloud was convinced it was his job to protect her and Ravenwing demanded that he allowed her to have her own life. It was in their twenty-sixth moon that Moltedfur passed away of old age and a broken heart.

When Ashencloud was thirty-six moons old he was given his first apprentice and was finally made to realize that Poppyflower was old enough to take care of herself and make her own decisions. She chose her mate, and the two were happily together. Which ended up pushing Ashencloud further away. So instead, Ashencloud worked hard to train his first apprentice, Heatherpaw. After successfully training her, he was named deputy, succeeding their previous deputy, Mistheart.

It was then, after nearly thirty moons since he had spoken to his brother, that the two began talking again. Gorsefur has lost all interest to live. He had become cold, dark against the world, the same way Ashencloud had. And the opportunity for power struck Ashencloud. Gorsefur offered to lay down his own life and kill Wolfstar, who was on his last life. In return, Ashencloud would take Gorsefur's life.

At first, he had been reluctant, but as the weeks turned into a moon, and a moon turned into two, Ashencloud agreed. That night, Gorsefur went to speak to Wolfstar when a sound cry of agony rang through the camp. Just as planned, Ashencloud raced from the warrior's den, only to find Wolfstar dead in his den. That night, he killed his brother.

Lies and misfortune will lead to a bitter demise.

Within that week he received his nine lives. He named his first deputy as Applefur. Poppyflower announced that she would be having kits and Ashenstar was happy for his sister. After working up courage, Ashenstar finally asked Ravenwing to be his mate. The two were happy together, and Ashenstar remained in the light, despite his darkness that was growing day by day inside him. He knew that as long as Ravenwing was with him that he would be happy.

At forty-five moons, Poppyflower gave birth to her kits whom she named Redkit, Seedkit, and Bravekit. The three kits were the joy of the clan as they were the first kits to be born in almost ten moons. Ravenwing and Ashenstar announced that the would be having their own kits three moons later, leaving him at forty-eight moons. He had never been happier in his life. His excitement showed when Ravenwing was around him and once she moved into the nursery, he had become even more supported. He spent all of his spare time with his mate.

At fifty moons old, Ashenstar had lost his first life. The patrol he had been on ran into a fox. That day he lost an apprentice by the name of Flutterpaw. She had been the apprentice of Ravenwing who had been given to a new mentor after she had moved to the nursery. Ravenwing felt a lot of grief and guilt when the apprentice's body had been carried back.

A moon later, Ravenwing went into labor and gave birth to four kits. But she passed with the kitting, the medicine cat had been unable to stop the bleeding and she had bled to death. That was when the darkness returned in his heart. Ravenwing made Ashenstar promise that he would raise their kits with love and be kind and gentle with them. Ashenstar promised and named them each after a cat whom had had a lasting impression on his life. He named them Dapplekit, Ravenkit, Wolfkit, and Gorsekit. The kits were raised by his friend, Featherwing who had lost her kits in a miscarriage just before she had been scheduled to give birth.

The next moons passed slowly, darkly for Ashenstar. He worked hard to remain in the light, to not let the darkness control him, but each day without Ravenwing to pull him away pushed him closer to the edge. His kits were made apprentices when he was fifty-seven moons old. When he was fifty-eight moons old he had fallen ill to bad prey that had been polluted by the plants and the earth. He was not the only cat who had become sick and ended up losing a life from the sickness. He came back with a kicking force and made sure to pressure the other leaders into leaving. That the land was bad for the clans, unsafe. It was the last time he had done anything truly good.

The journey to the new territories had left ShadowClan weak, but Ashenstar pushed ahead and kept his head held high. He raised as much of a fight as he could to help his warriors continue on. When the arrived at the new home he helped set up patrols and worked hard to make this place a real home. In the last moon he has been working to remain in the light, but has stumbled and is slowly falling down into the abyss.

Applefur was killed by a badger when the cats were forced to drive it off of the new ShadowClan territory.